In late May I came to the realization that I was and had been miserable for a significant chunk of time in my relationship with E. We had been dating for nearly three years, but for the last six months or so things had been rapidly going downhill. I don't want to lay the blame entirely on her, but there were a lot of issues that she was going through and coping with by denial. It was hard to watch and harder to be her primary support person. I was therapist, boyfriend and tutor all at once and it was extremely draining. And so I finally ended it. The actual act - going to her house and telling her - took all of two hours. It can be described in one word - one of my father's favorites in fact - 'Clusterfuck'. Tsar bomba. 100 megatons of full blown nuclear tears and pain. It was not a fun experience and I took no joy in it whatsoever. Until I woke up the next morning it was extremely hard not to tell her it was a mistake, that it would be ok. It took my friends to give me strength to do the right thing for myself and for E. I've found myself with one of my best friends from nursing school now, and the way that we support eachother and respect the other's individuality is incredible. The contrast from bad to good relationship is stark, and reminds me every day of how special what I have is. Also, we fuck like pagans. But thats for another blog.
New plan too. So I failed Maternal Child nursing. Well, I turned in a paper late worth 10% of my grade and received a very lovely zero on it. This prevented me from passing the course (along with 1 very shitty test grade that was concerning but not the death knell for that class) and has forced me into a new path. I am now retaking the course including the clinical aspect this summer. It is the only course I'm taking over the summer so I expect that it will be easy to focus and prove to myself that I know what I'm doing and that I have the intelligence to complete the course with distinction. Oh, and that clinical placement? OB.
"I'm sorry Loki, all of the peds rotations are totally full. You're going to have to do OB."
Fuck! It will be interesting to be sure, but I've never wanted to be a BloodyVaginaNurse when I envision myself as an RN. On the bright side though, having experience delivering children is going to be good for that one freak experience that may happen where I'm the only medical professional and some woman is pushing out a baby on the subway/ballpark/elevator. I expect that I will learn a lot.
New start. I've decided to get back into exercising for a number of reasons. Being overweight is fortunately not one of them! So far this week I've done 20 miles on the stationary bike, adding up to a cumulative time of only two hours or so. When I ride on it, I ride hard and fast. Its much easier to deal with the pain of lactic acid building up in your legs when you have Tenacious D screaming in your ear about Dio (May his metal live on forever).
And now, some complaining. There is a woman, I will name her Beezy for ease of reference, who I encountered in my very first clinical of nursing school. She's 45, has two children, worked at Costco as a manager for a long time. I know all of this not because I inquired, but because she has terrible logorrhea. She is one of those people, we all know a few, who tells inane stories with little to no clinical relevance in class. She took up a grand total of 5 minutes of my life telling some story about her dumbfuck kid shoved a penny down his throat and it got stuck. Now, Beezy, I'm sure that your child's attempted suicide which is likely related to being your child is highly interesting and applicable, but I assure you that it is not. Please stfu. She did this in post-conference in clinicals every day, and does it in class every day. It is going to take all of my willpower not to interject during one of her stories with something like "WE CARE".
All in all, I'm getting back into the swing of things.
This new leaf is for Dio.